My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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