Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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