You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
People in love make me want to vomit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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