I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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