The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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