ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
