yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
