I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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