My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
