didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
