i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You can't motorboat a personality
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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