Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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