I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
