So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
