4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
