hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
