so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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