YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize