So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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