I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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