get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
