Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
