A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
