Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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