Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
