Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
