Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
