It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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