Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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