I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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