honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
