I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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