Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
nutella sex= disaster
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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