I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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