he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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