Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
