I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
