dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
