If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
