he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize