I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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