Say something about gay babies.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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