I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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