We won't sleep together?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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