apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
