My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am one with the molecules
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
