kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
