did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize