she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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