I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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