if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
