I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
