ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
