She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
