Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
