you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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