taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
