you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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