how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
