I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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