OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize