Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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