i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
