Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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