I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
