my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
