Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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