you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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