her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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