last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He felt like a one man threesome
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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