dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
