that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
