Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
