someone threw a dead crab at me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
