these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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