Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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