i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
