based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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