I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
