Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
