So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
