Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
