3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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