can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
