At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
