I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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