If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize