im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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