i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
