dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
