1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My vagina is very pro this idea
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
