I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize