Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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