god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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