Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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