he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
