Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize