Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
