You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
